Liz S (ixwin) wrote,
Liz S
ixwin

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Love and hate

I realised after I made my post on definitions of love a while back that I'd left off my favourite one which is When someone else's happiness is essential to your own [Edit: seems I didn't leave it off - in fact put it first - I wonder why I thought I had?]. What provoked this entry was finding another definition (by someone called Erich Fromm)which I like very much which is The active concern for the life and growth of that which we love (my underlining). The point is, when we love someone we want them to change and grow. Not because there's anything wrong with who they are now, just because we can see such great potential in them, and we know the things in themselves that they're dissatisfied with, and want them to overcome them so that they will be happier.

What I also find interesting is that this second definition also reverses neatly to define hate. When we hate something, I think we actually don't want it to change. We want it to carry on being vile so we can go on feeling disgust towards it and, by implication, good about ourselves. Were it to change for the better, what would that say about us, that we had hated something which had within it such potential for good?
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